I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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