Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Randomize
