I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
