and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
