I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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