and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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