Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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