you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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