He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
