its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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