Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
