Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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