Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
