we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
