you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize