every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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