Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
