at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm at about main and main street
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
