i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Randomize
