Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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