If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Randomize
