All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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