Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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