dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
