I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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