I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
