WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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