I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize