Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
