I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
