You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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