FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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