So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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