the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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