2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
