I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
