Where is the hickey?
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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