I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
