There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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