he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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