He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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