You're completely useless in the revolution.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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