did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
