They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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