So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
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