He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
