The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize