New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
