Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
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