You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
