I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
