That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
