i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Randomize
