office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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