I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
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