Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
