Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
