Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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