some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
