I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize