I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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