He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
