can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
