I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
