My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
