Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
