in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
i think im in europe. pls send help
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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