5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
