End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
