i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
