And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
