haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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