Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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