I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
