So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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